Today I received some perfectly timed news: I’ve been (verbally) offered a job in Nashville. Before I could send the “YES” (all caps) IM replying to my soon-to-be manager, the tears welled up. I do this thing where I shake and my breath comes in waves, as if I’m engaged in a breath-holding contest, but then my brain remembers that it’s just me by myself and I’m not under water and so I let go only to hang on again. It’s dumb. It’s so dumb that my nearby coworker came over and asked if I needed help. “Should I call someone?” That was when I realized what I was doing and I had to take a lap.
This is the goal I set out to accomplish in exactly the timeline I aimed for: return home within two years. Granted, I took a stupid detour in Memphis, but everything seems to be falling into place. Everything, that is, except the money portion. How am I supposed to pay for a second move this year? I could very well ride on the coattails of my current employ, take the relocation package, and hope everything works out. The only draw back is that I’m on the hook for a solid two years. The timeline doesn’t necessarily scare me, that’s been part of the plan, too: five consecutive years, working my way up, learning all the skills I can. The difference is I can’t just walk away if circumstances get tough, there’s no get-out-of-jail-free card. I’m legally obligated to pay back any outstanding monies if I leave the company before I “mature.”
Is this a legitimate concern or am I looking for ways to psyche myself out of a good opportunity? What am I scared of, more debt? Graduating from a premier *cough, cough* private *hack* Southern *wheeze* college, I already have loads of that, what’s a few more drops into the ocean?
What is it I need to do? What’s most beneficial to myself, my family, my future, my mental well-being, my career, my social sphere? There are doubts aplenty, but I think I’ve got to go with the tried and true method on this one: do the research, create a Pros/Cons list, and call my mom. It sounds simple to the point of being silly. I’m approaching the age at which the decisions I make affect me long-term and I’m apprehensive about making decisions on a whim. However, taking risks is what these early years are about, right? Besides, how much of a risk is it really?
Moving on, I won’t allow myself to cycle these thoughts. I completed this back and forth post now, and that’s all I’ll indulge.
I was told an official start date and offer letter will be in my inbox within a week. I’m going to put in the work now, so whenever the official offer drops in, I will be prepared to make a final decision. Until then, it is all out of my hands and I will not dwell on things I cannot control.