Slice of Life

My Dad is Hank Hill

My dad is the real-life Hank Hill, and it’s hilarious to compare them.

We watched two shows religiously growing up: The Simpsons and King of the Hill. Essentially, I grew up with Greg Daniels and he had the greatest influence on my budding sense of humor and love of irony. My father, however, did not laugh much during my childhood. King of the Hill was his daily smile – probably because he could relate so intimately.

The following is a list of ways Hank resembles Clay. Or, a list of reasons my dad ought to be seeking royalties.

  1. Has an idiot son (with good intentions)
  2. Builds and perfects his own house
  3. Knows all the neighbors
  4. Has difficulty expressing emotions publicly
  5. Has a strong willed, but nurturing wife
  6. Works on cars and lawnmowers
  7. Has the same job for over 20 years
  8. Obsessed with his lawn
  9. Meat with every meal
  10. Loves the dog more than he’s willing to admit
  11. Dysfunctional childhood
  12. Has go-to catch phrases like, “that’d be fine,” and “that ain’t right.”
  13. Beer daily, and always with the same crew
  14. Propane grill
  15. Basically wears the same thing every day
  16. Has a lot of patience
  17. Hangs out outside
  18. Follows the rules
  19. Played lots of sports in high school
  20. Is an uncle (begrudgingly)
  21. Gets hella frustrated when using customer service over the phone
  22. Homeowner
  23. Quit smoking
  24. Patriotic as hell
  25. Likes dated music and none of the new stuff
  26. Football enthusiast
  27. Pickup trucks only
  28. Still hangs out with his childhood friends
  29. Thinks power tools are cool
  30. No butt
  31. Initials are palindrome (HRH v. CDC)
  32. Beer belly
  33. Is a great father, despite having had a terrible father himself
  34. Same haircut for decades
  35. Steak is king
  36. Has a bias for different regions of the country
  37. Lives in a state that starts with “T”
  38. In “manager” position at work
  39. Respect for the military
  40. Thrives on routine
  41. Talks slow and low on all occasions
  42. His mom was a wonderfully domestic woman with a good relationship with her grandkids
  43. Married (one of) his high school sweetheart
  44. Built his own work bench
  45. Worked in a garage on houseware/hardware things
  46. Is a “Man’s man” type machismo
  47. Has housed extended family for a length of time
  48. Thinks his boss is an ass
  49. Sits in “His Chair” at the dinner table and “His Chair” in the living room
  50. Plays guitar
  51. Doesn’t really “get” his kid’s obsessions
  52. Speaks zero Spanish, despite how much time he spends around Spanish-speaking peoples
  53. Love of motorcycles, specifically Harley Davidson
  54. Always trying to teach his kids “survival skills” and “life lessons”
  55. Watch always on the left wrist
  56. Has an old-timey name no one uses to name their sons anymore

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