Slice of Life

Being an Introvert During Corona Season

I asked myself a while back whether or not I was going to comment on this whole Corona virus epidemic. I mean, it’s literally about to define 2020 and very probably many, many years afterwards. I kinda have to comment, right? Civic duties and historical narratives and all, yes?

I always keep my notebook on me. Even if I don’t publish every day, I’m always documenting and writing, listing things I ought to publish. So when I asked myself about COVID-19, I gave it a header like every other post:

As you can see, I’m really real with myself. There’s no sugar coating it, I’ve remained willfully ignorant of the epidemic, among several contemporary topics, because I just can’t take it. It’s bad, stay clean, social distancing. This is what I know and follow.

I also decided that since I don’t know anything about the virus itself and there are bjillions of articles about the thing already, I’d rather talk about my lived experience and how an invisible enemy is rapidly bringing me to the edge.

No, no, it’s not the mini-quarantine that’s getting to me. In fact, I laugh at all the suffering extroverts on reddit. 6-foot minimum? Don’t breathe my air? Stay clean and stay inside? This is the best fucking thing that’s every happened to introverts like myself. I don’t feel guilty for staying in or dicking around on the playstation all day. Pesky capitalism – demanding productivity otherwise it’s a waste of time – that’s deep seated. I have that feeling non-stop, and I can’t describe what a relief it is for the first time in years to not feel it. I’m doing a literal service to my community by doing what I do best – staying out of sight and out of mind.

Unfortunately, so much isolation is having an affect on me.

For a few days now, I’ve been listening to my upstairs neighbor have rigorous, awkward-sounding sex. I say this because he’s been making noises I’ve never heard in my adult life: not from experience, not from porn, not from anywhere. The moans sound like he’s dying and although I’m concerned for his well-being to the extent I can be concerned for an absolute stranger, this assault on my ears and my psyche are definitely more important to me.

But, we’re all adults, so I decided to do what’s in my power to do. I moved around the house, turned up the tv, banged pots and pans in the kitchen, but I couldn’t get away from it! I’d leave the bedroom – BOOM! I can hear him moaning these great, long, awkward moans in the living room. Turn the TV up – DOESN’T MATTER, it’s like he’s on surround sound. I thought, maybe it’s the pipes. Every apartment I’ve ever lived in, I could hear whole conversations in the bathroom. So I shut the bathroom door, to no success. I live in a 1-bedroom apartment, very quickly I ran out of places to go and I could STILL HEAR HIM.

Today, I discovered it’s him working out. I also discovered why I couldn’t shake him – he moves from the living room to the balcony to the breeze way stairwell. Dude is not only surrounding every open area of the apartment, but he’s literally echoing in the stairwell. Who does this?

I discovered his new routine when I ripped open the door, having had enough of it. I don’t have to deal with it at Planet Fitness, why should I have to deal with it at home? I made plenty of noise before mustering the courage to say something into the stairwell. However, he immediately packed up and shuffled into his apartment before I had to re-muster the courage. I’m a wimp, guys, and if I don’t have to say a thing, I won’t say the thing. Thank god he’s a big a weenie as I am and retreated inside to his own cave.

So mostly quarantine is making me hate people more than I normally do instead of having the opposite affect I assumed it would have: give me a break, and I’d possibly becoming more sociable willingly.

Also, I’d like to go on record that this week will probably start the Jeff Bezos takeover of the government. I mean, this is how most of those movies begin, and it’s only logical. Amazon becomes the only source of household needs, therefore it becomes the only income. People across the nation become consumer-workers (thank you South Park) and wages go back to $7/hr because there’s no one to counter – Amazon in the only business left. Eventually, money itself becomes obsolete and your net worth becomes how many units you can pick or stow or pack or deliver and only with those credits will you get to eat your next meal, supplied by Whole Foods until that runs out.

All I’m saying is COVID-19 is a drastic change from what we’re used to fighting:

Stock market crash (the enemy: ourselves, but this isn’t a new concept to capitalism), Y2K scare (enemy: technology, re: “The Terminator”), 9/11 (enemy: the human “other,” again, not new), 2012 Mayan Calendar (enemy: prophesy, re: any holy book), Trumps election (enemy: ourselves, see told you it’s not new). Now we’re fighting an invisible enemy that we could scientifically understand and even destroy if given time and funding.We’ll just have to wait and see how this unfolds.

#BezosFor2020 #NotMyPresident #IfThisGetsPulledUpInAFutureInWhichMyPredictionsHaveComeTrueDontUseThisPostAsDocumentationAgainstMyLife #HopefullyTheRonaGetsMeFirst

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