My check-in page recently got a shout out about a potential partnership with a book review page called “Reedsy Discovery.” They also mentioned my lack of detail and the wrong email address attached to this site. Amid the embarrassment that’s totally public to what, 15 strangers? I beamed with excitement.
I mean, what kind of idiot would want me to read a thing, think about it, and publish those thoughts on the internet!? Let’s be honest here people, the answer is a big group of dummies born out of desperation. I mean, it’s why I pay for my own domain, amirite?
Before I continue to insult the people who think I’m hip enough to be part of their collective, let me say I’m absolutely thrilled. No, it’s not the New York Times knocking on my door or the Tennessean offering me a weekly column. But it is genuinely cool to have someone think my thinks are worth reading. It’s definitely the boost of confidence I need to get through the next few weeks.
Speaking of, how obligated am I to stay current? I ask myself this same question each week when it comes to what I’m going to write about.
What I can say is my community is hurting. We’re told we’re essential, but nothing about what I do feels essential given the climate of our nation. There are larger gears in motion, but I’m so exhausted by it all. I don’t necessarily know who around me may have been affected by the politics, the pandemic, the riots – who have lost loved ones, who are silently going insane in quarantine, and who’ve been teargassed while claiming their right to life. I have to assume everyone is being affected (and in a way, I believe that assumption is true).
I have not participated in the protests. I have not participated in the riots. I have not participated in the political sphere or the social. It haunts me being the silent type, yet I am so quick to ingest news, media, memes, essays, and posts that expose a vivid expression of the current human condition.
Do I want to die a nonactivist? A silent accepter of the status quo? Not at all. I’ve got to get myself organized if I ever expect to get organized with others.
It’s almost baffling how removed I am at this time – I’ve taken quarantine to heart. There are 5 total locations I’ve been in the past 60 days: home, work, parent’s house, brother’s house, Kroger (I’ve fudged that just twice in the search of D&D resources, no shame). I do not have TV, over the years I’ve made a habit of avoiding news outlets, and overall I genuinely prefer the world that I can control. Quarantine has almost been too easy for me. I’m detaching, for better or for worse, and I’m allowing it to happen. “Stay in, keep the crazy out,” is something I said on the phone today.
In the capacity that I can serve the people I work with, I will do for them. Am I going to force a man who resembles George Floyd to work past curfew? Hell no. Am I going to force him to take the attendance policy punishment because he didn’t cancel his shift in the prescribed amount of time? Hell no. I need my team to be safe. I need them to know that I don’t solely recognize them in the vacuum of work. For those who can clock in, we will continue to clean daily every surface and ensure we take all precautions to ensure their health.
And maybe one day soon I can get myself organized.