In order to combat the dreadful feelings of having an idle project and sitting through team meetings, I now just knit during calls. I can listen and stay productive, do my bit when called on, and remain calm. Calmly detached from the ridiculousness that my job has become. I think this might just work – it also keeps me quiet and less likely to argue with folks on the call.
Getting back into the swing of things, though I’ve truthfully been avoiding as much work as possible. I feel like a failure all the time, despite the amount of work I do. So, yeah… not great.
I’ve been pretty out of it for four days this past week due to helping with the niece and nephew. I have more respect for parents and have triple-downed on my decision to never have children of my own.
There was a moment I looked at my mom and said, “That’s it. I’ve hit my cap. I need some quiet time.” And we agreed for me to “take a nap” for an hour. Whereas my mom is completely comfortable with chattering, squealing children, at least she understands when I get sensory overload and my need for quiet. I love that she understands that.
Is it possible to be as old as I am and still have a crush? On a guy who doesn’t think about you at all, a guy you barely talk to, and is totally long distance? Because I’m constantly being crushed and mashed and kicking myself in the butt. I know I’m doing it to myself – best case scenario: I cut it off completely and ignore my stupid fluctuating feelings until they are all the way dead. Get it together.
I’m giving “The Avatar Series” (a D&D Forgotten Realms series) another go and downloaded Tantras. I wasn’t super thrilled with the first one, but then I figured a. it’s a product of its time and b. how can I write a campaign focused on Ferûn’s gods if I don’t know anything about them?
Second week a failure. I’ve taken to writing and reading more than studying and need to re-balance. Committing to sticky-noting the kitchen and living room this week. For real.
This topic got a little out of hand this week. It’s shameful, to be sure. But I broke down and posted separately about the furniture and the D&D nonsense I bought because it was lengthy and I was also excited to share.
Somethings I just get really excited about, other things I tend to just rant over. Either way, was too long for the Sundries.